Hi !
There is evidence in both scientific and spiritual literature that thinking about oneself leads to depression and despair. Our thoughts take us out of the perfect present and into the painful future or past.
Sometimes, perhaps often, it’s better not to think. This is strange to discover because we’ve been told since we were little that thinking makes humanity great. “It’s our intellect that sets us apart from the rest of earth’s animals, and so we should do as much of it as we can!” is the message I took away from my eighteen years of education. Your kids are probably receiving the same. I suggest you consider offering them a new way of thinking about thinking. Consider teaching them to do less of it. If you do, you’ve brought forward an insight that many take much of their lives to discover.
An important distinction here: not all thinking is bad. Thinking about practical things is good. Creating a spreadsheet to model the finances of a lemonade stand? That is good thinking. Putting attention towards learning multiplication? Also, good thinking. Learning how to cook a meal? Good thinking.
But some thinking is almost always bad: comparing their talents as a little entrepreneur to those of a kid down the street? Not good thinking. Agonizing over the results of today’s math test? Not good thinking. Hoping their cooking will be good enough to impress their crush? Also not good thinking.
The pattern? Using our mind to perceive the environment and act is useful thinking. It feels good. It’s what flow feels like. Using our mind to think about our fears, desires, and insecurities—is not useful thinking.
This may sound crazy. How can we not think about ourselves? And if we stop thinking about ourselves, how can we be sure to create the life we want?
I’ve done so much thinking about myself in my life that it took me a while to come around to the possibility that all that thinking was what was making me unhappy.
There is subtlety here. I’m not suggesting you teach your children to move through the world ignorant of how their actions impact them. I am suggesting that most humans waste 95% of their lives thinking about themselves in the past or in the future, and that makes them unhappy. As adults, we use goods, thrills, food, substances, and other people to bring us out of that morose for brief moments before falling back into it.
So, I suggest you teach your children to think less. More on how in future letters.
This really works.
You can test it yourself. After reading this note, put your phone down and walk outside, leaving it behind. Step outside, close the door and listen to what you hear. Listen until you notice your mind wander. You’re now thinking. Let the thought go and return to paying attention to what you hear. You may have to do this many times; that’s normal. See if you can notice how it feels to listen versus how it feels to think. Do this for a couple minutes.
Let me know how it goes,
Peter
CEO & Co-founder
@pjfitzpatrick on Instagram
